The subtitle of the talk is Freeing Yourself from Beliefs That No Longer Serve You.

Hey, it’s Phil Wilson here. I’m here at the, um, the conference, the Biomed conference in Los Angeles on Saturday, April 13th, at 1:15 p.m. The title of my talk is called Pictures of the Mind. The subtitle—it’s not mentioned in the program guide—is called Freeing Yourself from Beliefs That No Longer Serve You. So, here I am in the lecture room.

There’s no one here to record me. There’s no one here to listen to me, and this is okay because the grand lesson is, uh, that we are not doing promotions. My other two talks today—or yesterday—was on the therapeutic and, uh, benefits of far infrared therapy and saunas. And I had one person and two or three assistants at each of those talks, plus I had the, the, the two sound people. And so, I gave a talk yesterday, two of them, and they went very, very well. Um, the talks were humorous, I was in the moment, and a lot of exciting, uh, words and phrases and wisdom and insights came out of the talk, and it was enjoyed by all very thoroughly.

So, here I am now, you know, you know, recognizing very, very clearly that when we do give talks at the conference, that people do not know. Just like the Relax Sauna. When we have the Relax Sauna at an event, people have no clue. This is not—this is nothing like—I mean, it’s, it’s everything like, but, uh, light waves, more than any wooden infrared sauna that people have had, and certainly more than any other portable sauna that they, that they have had. So, it’s, it’s part of our communication, our outreach, is when we do have speakers or when I do speak at a conference, there needs to be a lot of, a lot of, a lot of, uh, attention given to come to the talk because otherwise, people don’t show up.

Now, when I did the, um, the Health Freedom Expo talk about eight, nine years ago in Chicago—it was the last one they had before they quit doing it—uh, then they started again about five years later, and it’s never been the same. But I, I gave a talk to about 35-40 people, or 40-50 people. We sold 35 saunas at that conference, and probably five or six or seven people bought the sauna because of my talk.

Now, I gave a talk in Springfield, Ohio, um, at the Psychotronics, uh, regional meeting or chapter meeting in Dayton area, or Springfield, or wherever it was—Yellow Springs, perhaps—and we sold seven saunas. This is about 15, 20 years ago, from the one talk. So, you know, getting people to come to the talk is instrumental. Also, getting people to come, um, is when we sponsor talks and getting people to hear about us. Then, then we don’t have to pigeonhole people, trying to explain to them the difference between the Relax Sauna and other saunas. In other words, far infrared energy is, is nice, but the Relax Sauna is like the, uh, the cat’s meow.

So, that—that’s just a little bit about advertising, promotions, communication, which is, which is essentially what my, my talk today is about. It’s about communication. Uh, we can give lip service to spiritual principles. I remember in, um, in, uh, Ram Dass’s book, Be Here Now, uh, it’s like a picture book with little sayings on it and, uh, just beautiful. I remember reading it in 1971 at my friend Marty’s, uh, house. Um, and I was—we were just hanging out, and the book was there, and I just started reading it, and I was like, “Oh my God.” It was like explaining everything that was going on in my life for about the, the previous, uh, uh, eight months.

And, and so, he said, “Yeah, you can take the book home.” And I, I finished it that night, and it explained to me everything that’s been going on in my life since my out-of-body experience I had in 1970. See, I didn’t know it. Paul Twitchell explains it pretty well when he talks about the, uh, um, getting connected with the light and sound—with the inner light, getting connected, uh, to the spiritual essence of life that we’re all a part of. And that happened to me sort of accidentally, but nothing’s an accident. So, it was just perfectly planned, according to, uh, uh, ordained by God, you could say.

Um, I went through a somewhat of a depression for a couple of days when I discovered that my girlfriend, who was sort of like a quasi-girlfriend because she was really, uh—she started dating this other guy after we went together for a year, and we were away for the summer. She met this other guy, and they became friendly, and, and he fell in love with her. And she was—she loved him very much, but she loved me very much. And she was conflicted because how can you love two men at the same time? She didn’t know how. She just—all she said is, “I do. I just do.”

And so, I was a mess, you know, during the next year because—and this is where complaining is, is really central. How if you’re always going to complain about the fact that I can’t be with you all the time when you’re with her, that—that didn’t—that didn’t really go off, over, over, over that good. You’re, you’re not really being…

Um, uh, uh, shivalry—shivalry is dead when all you do is complain. Complaining, uh, about what isn’t or what wasn’t compared to enjoying what is. And that’s, that’s the principle that—that is being pointed out to me even now again, is that enjoying what is, when you’re a little disappointed about something that didn’t happen in the now, and it’s not happening, then—then what you do is you get to the present moment, look around, observe, and start enjoying what is. Because then you don’t have to be miserable complaining about what wasn’t. And that’s a wonderful spiritual principle, and that’s one of the things that’s in my, uh, upcoming book, Pictures of the Mind. The subtitle, as I suggested, was Freeing Yourself from Beliefs That No Longer Serve You.

The, um, the idea of the name of my book and the motivation to write my book came to me actually in, uh, the, uh, winter of 1970—not the, uh, the fall, but the, the winter, J-February, January, March. Um, and I was having—because I had that out-of-body experience. I’m sorry, this is 1971. But in 1970, around, uh, February 1st, is when I had my first out-of-body experience. But the, the exciting thing about it—it was not—I was not aware of having an out-of-body experience. It was—it was like I had a realization that, you know—I mean, they’ve been telling me for years, the, the advisers in the math department were saying, “Phil, you’re too left-brain. You need to get involved in the, in the arts.” And so, you know, my senior year of college, my last semester, I had two arts courses. And I actually had taken in my junior year, year, a couple of liberal arts courses. However, most of the liberal arts I had taken was economics, which is all mathematics, logic, which is a part of philosophy, symbolic logic, which is all mathematics.

So, I, I did take an appreciation of music course. I did take a 19th-century painting course. And both courses—and I, I did take, uh, a course called concept poetry my senior year after the out-of-body experience. And that made quite an impact upon me. And, and when I do graphic design, I think the—the—the what I learned in that course, uh, has really made an impact on me.

Uh, now, the—one of my favorite books, uh—I’ve, I’ve got, you know, probably about 50 to 100 favorite books, but one of the earliest books that really made an impression upon me after I had my out-of-body experience—and I did get connected with the, the spiritual life current, the audible life stream—but I didn’t know it. Uh, I just had a new lease on life. And I was just—you know, what happened is, I was intrigued. I said, “Oh my God, you know, how come I’m—I’m not streetwise and everyone else seems to be? At least, maybe not streetwise—they all seem to know what life is about and I don’t.” And I got missed. And I’m pretty pissed that I got missed. But—but I’m not going to let that interfere. I’m going to go out, and I’m going to dis—I’m going to discover what life’s about, in spite of the fact that I—I missed it all.

Here I am, 22 years old, and don’t know a damn thing about life, you know, about how it works. And—and so, I was determined. And—and I was fortunate. I, I got, um, a reprieve, uh, after I graduated college. And the last six months after the out-of-body experience, I actually got a, um, a D on the final exam in statistics. And I think I got either a B or a C in the course. And that was unheard of for me in a math class because my mathematics accumen was about 3.7 at Indiana University. I was, uh—I graduated Indiana, uh, with an honors degree in mathematics, with an AB—that’s a Bachelor of Arts degree. And, uh, I, uh, basically, my—I was pretty smart because I learned how to do the academic right. I, I, I just enjoyed it. I fell right into it. It wasn’t—I was enslaved to it, but I, I, I was good at it. So I enjoyed it. And a lot of people are, are not good at it.

And—and that doesn’t—see, I learned that character—and Paul Twitchell pointed this out very, uh, beautifully—when he said that the, the chasm of difference mentally between a janitor or a, a clerk at a grocery store and a, and a professor at the university—the mental chasm is huge. But in terms of character, that has nothing to do with the, the character of the individual. And I’ve learned, you know, way back then, the character—the, the quality of, of, of your, your warmth, the attitude—in other words…

Right now, I sort of discovered about three, four months ago, you know, I realized that everything I do, that there’s a—like in the computer programs and the cell phone, there are programs running in the background. So, there’s a program running in the background of my beingness, and that’s to do everything with kindness. That’s just really, really important to me. And if you don’t have that running in your program, you can discipline yourself.

Again, what’s the—that’s the difference between discipline and self-force. This is very, very interesting because when I was a graduate student in mathematics and, and not wanting to do math, and I just—I was discovering how to find myself. Um, not—I mean, finding yourself, and that’s, that’s a story. Uh, it’s—it’s uncovering the lies of who you thought you were to discover yourself, because you—you’re always with yourself. But, but what my math advisor said to me is, “Phil, you have to discipline yourself to do the mathematics.” And a light bulb turned on.

Now, interesting enough, those are pictures in the mind—the “aha.” And I said, at that time, I realized the difference between discipline and self-force. And I would describe the difference as, uh, discipline is when you apply pressure—an inner pressure—to get yourself to do what you really, really, really, really, really want to do. That’s discipline. Self-force is when you apply pressure to get yourself to do what you do not want to do.

Now, the question is—I, at that time, became aware very, very clearly that I did not want to do mathematics, that it no longer brought me joy. In the mental world, it was great. I mean, the “aha” experiences, the joy of solving a math problem, especially if it was a very, very difficult one that hardly anyone else could, could solve—that was like a peak experience. That was the joy. I lived for that. And playing baseball, and getting great fielding plays, or, or great hits, or, or pitching, you know, or in any kind of sports, doing something in ping pong, and handball, in tennis, and basketball—those are the sports that I, myself, enjoyed. Also, running, broad jump, standing broad jump, running—those are the things that, you know, sprinting—those are my favorite activities as a kid that gave me confidence.

And we all need it. I would presume we all need activities that give us confidence in ourselves. So, I became quite adept at solving math problems. I became quite adept, um, athletic-wise, is my prowess. Um, but what I was not adept at—and this, and this was my Achilles heel—I couldn’t get girls to like me. I mean, I got them to like me. That, that was not a problem, but they—they were impressed with my—they, they called me a math genius. They were impressed. They respected me. They honored me. But they didn’t want to kiss me. And a lot of them didn’t want to go out with me. And certainly, they didn’t want to make out with me or do things that go beyond that.

So, I had a—a very, uh, disappointing life in high school and in most of college until—until I met my first girlfriend. But that, again, um, when, when that, when those joys finally started occurring, this other guy was in the picture. So, it wasn’t a completeness.

However, I had my first out-of-body experience as a result of, um, her other boyfriend visiting me, uh, and knocking on my door. And we had been communicating before. He said, “Well, if, if, uh, Lori likes you, you must, you must be someone important or something of worthwhile to get to know and, and like.” Um, you know, if, if my fraternity brothers—and some did—know that I was actually communicating with the other boyfriend of my girlfriend, they’d say, “You’re crazy.” But I didn’t know any better, and that’s okay. And I won’t say I didn’t know any better—it was just part of the, the program that I created for my life before I came into this body.

Um, if you look at my astrology, uh, chart, I have Venus and Uranus conjunct in the fifth house in, in Gemini. And the fifth house stands for Leo and creativity and romance and drama. And so, Venus stands for love, appreciation, and value.

Uranus stands for being weird or sudden changes. And so, basically, uh, it meant that I’m, uh, I’m in love with romance, and that there can be very sudden changes and weirdness in my romantic relationships. So, if you look at that, you look at my—it says I’m not, I’m not doing what I’m not supposed to do. I’m doing—I’m being guided inwardly. And these are the experiences I—I signed up for, to have, to therefore help me awaken.

Awakening is one of the most beautiful experiences in life. It’s similar to a, a, a, a, a flower blooming. When flowers bloom, it’s really, uh, not, not anyone else that, uh, does it, you know. And so, when we accept responsibility for what happens in our life and realize that we—we created it—y—we are no longer the victim.

“I’m with you, 100%, totally with you.”

And it’s like—to me, it’s like the process of how we become self-aware. It actually gives us some control over our life.

“That’s right.”

And—and—and when you fall in love with the process of how we become aware, or the process of how anything happens in life, that’s called loving God. That’s my definition of loving God—being in love with a process that, that, that, that directs your life, that orchestrates it.

“Yeah. Are we ready to—?”

“Yeah, now I’m ready.”

“Okay, so let me know by doing something with your hand.”

Hi, uh, my name is Philip Wilson, and, uh, I live in Las Vegas, Nevada. I lived in Columbus, Ohio, for 50 years. Uh, my beginning in life—I was a mathematician. I was a, sort of like, almost a child prodigy, uh, in mathematics at age eight, nine, 10, and 11. And I was known as Mr. Mathematics of my class and of my school.

Uh, the only person who shined more than me, uh, in mathematics—but he didn’t, uh, actually move in that direction till I was already famous in, uh, sixth grade as the great mathematician—it was my older brother. He never did his homework, he was getting C’s in algebra, and he placed 16th in the state of Indiana on a, on a statewide math exam. And then when they had the finals, he finished first in the state. He later on, uh, became first in the state and 24th in the nation three years later in a national math exam. And I had this as a pattern to fall back on.

And, uh, I didn’t quite do as good as he did, but I did finish, uh, uh, fourth in the state of Indiana on the national math exam as a, uh, senior in high school. And as a freshman in high school, I did finish, uh, third in the, uh, state of Indiana. And, uh, I was almost embarrassed to be seen because I didn’t finish first. So, I had an interesting attitude. I was, uh, and that’s what I did. I was, uh, in a sense—I was very left-brain.

I was also, um, intrigued by myself because here I’m doing something very, very internally, very introverted, like doing mathematics, and it was one of my great loves. At the same time, I was very active in sports—sports. And I was actually very active in groups. I was president of three different, uh, uh, clubs in, in high school. Uh, one was Chess Club. The other was, uh, a youth group, uh, for Jewish boys, part of the B’nai B’rith Youth Organization, called AZA. And they—they included in their things sports, and, and socials, and—and so I was very actively involved in that. And I was also president of the Senior Honor Society.

Um, it’s funny because I learned afterwards—there’s 273 people in my graduating class, and I, uh, the first 14 people were chosen. Those are supposed to be the 14th highest. But for some reason, they took the 13th highest, skipped three people, and got to me as number 17—or actually 16. Then in that following year, I dropped one more, and—and they chose me. And then, uh, they were voting for the president, and it was a tie between me and the valedictorian. Another person walked in, and somehow I became the president of the Senior Honor Society.

And I never thought much of myself. And even though I—I excelled in—in sports, on a—I was very—I was always very tiny, so I wasn’t good in football. And—and although I really enjoyed basketball, I—I wasn’t very tall. I was the runt of a litter. And, uh, uh, I—of all the sixth graders in the class, I was about three, four, five inches smaller than all the others in seventh grade. And then in eighth grade, I started growing. I’m not sure if it’s because I believed it, but my mom, uh, had an experimental growth drug that she got from the doctor, and all of a sudden I grew eight inches in, um, seventh to eighth grade and caught up with all the other short men.

But basically, because I was very limited in the, uh—not, not being a practicing—not being very religious—but I was very, very oriented, uh, toward my being Jewish and insisting on dating Jewish women. And since only 10% of my high school class was Jewish, uh, I had a very limited—and because I was so small, I had about two or three women—four women—not very many to choose from. And, uh, for some reason, because I was so good in math and I was not really, um—I was not, uh, sophisticated in my ability to communicate with women.

So, later on, uh, that’s a little bit of my history and my youth. But—and then I went to college and, uh, finally met a girlfriend, had my first girlfriend. I met her my sophomore year of college, and we, uh, dated that whole year. Met her the first couple weeks, and everything was great. Uh, we got lava-layered, and we were going steady, essentially. And, uh, the song that really, uh, by the Association—Cherish, you—always reminded me of, of, of her. Um, and, uh, that summer, we were going to—okay, if we get to the summer, then that’s it. Well, we didn’t get to the summer.

Um, and, uh, she met, uh—she was a lifeguard at a new building where her parents moved in, an apartment or a condominium complex, and she met this other guy. And so, um—and this is the reason I’m talking about this—is because this spawned my, my first out-of-body experience that I had. And that was, like, one of the greatest experiences I’ve ever had in my life because it—it—it took into motion, um, everything else that followed.

So, uh, after, um, the first year of the second year of college where Lori and I dated the whole time, but all of a sudden, Craig would come visit. And all of a sudden, we—we would be studying together 40 days in, in a row, and all—all of a sudden, I couldn’t see her for three days because this other man was coming in to visit her as, like, a boyfriend. And where did he stay? This made it a lot more pleasant—he stayed at my, um, uh, one of my best friend’s apartments.

Well, that’s odd. Well, it turned out that, that my—one of my best friends had two other roommates, and one of them went to high school with the, with the other man. So, that’s where he stayed. And so, it—I was really very embarrassed by it. And this is something that, that we can get into, and it’s going to be in my book. Uh, the idea of being embarrassed—what a silly thing to do. And see, Pictures of the Mind—that’s what the book is all about. And, and that’s something that, as a mathematician, I’ve been very, very well trained. Because as a mathematician, you’re always looking—looking at pictures, uh, in your mind. Pictures of the mind.

Now, um, after this experience that I had—uh, well, see, what happened is, uh, after a year of going through, uh, my junior year, Lori’s sophomore year, and then the next summer came. And then the—and then the winter came, and, uh—I mean, then—then the school season ended, started for my senior year. And, uh, again, Lori was different this summer. Even though I lived in Gary, Indiana, and she lived in Chicago, Chicago, I would—I didn’t visit her very much that last summer. The other summer, I did. But again, uh, the situation was clouded.

So, as a ma—mathematician, um, my saying was in high school, uh, “Lucky in cards, unlucky in love.” Uh, people—the girls in high school, uh, they respected me. They honored me. They liked me. They had—they thought the world of me, but they were not romantically interested in me. And so—and for some reason, that’s always been an important aspect of my life.

Um, and so—uh, hello. You’re welcome to listen.

“Hi there. Can I get—ask you a quick question?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry to interrupt.”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

“So, I’m going back to Texas, um, on a bus at 3:00, and he wants the black demo.”

“Yes, that’s fine.”

“Total?”

“That, that’d be great. And that—down, that’s fine. And then monthly?”

“Yes, that’s okay.”

“All right. I’m talking to Melissa about how to do the monthly.”

“Beautiful. Great. Okay. Yeah, all right. Thanks.”

So, at any rate, um, I—I hope this isn’t boring you about—and I’m taking such a long time to get to the important stuff, but this is just part of the history. And so, anyway, uh, Craig knocks on my door, um, the, uh, the, uh, beginning—the first day, night before the—my last semester at Indiana University. And he tells me all the things they’ve been doing, when they started doing it. And I tell her all the things that we’ve been doing, and—and, oh my God, we’re both blown away because she was telling white lies about both of us.

And all of a sudden—um, actually, what it really was good because I realized that I could not give her what he could. I was not strong. I was weak in the fact of standing up for myself and said, you know, I—I was wanting. I was needy. So, because of my neediness and my wanting—and this is very, very important to be aware of—I became the slave of my need and my want. And I didn’t stand in integrity with my beingness to—to say, this is not appropriate. I’m not going to put up with this behavior because I was wanting and needing.

And so, uh, at any rate, I had an out-of-body experience that I didn’t even know I had. And in that experience, I had the realization that I need—need to be more right-brain. I was too left-brain. The—the—the courses I took at Indiana University, uh, was in logic, was my philosophy. That was my liberal arts. Took four semesters of logic. I took, uh, a semester of, uh, economics. And that’s not very liberal arts.

I did take 19th-century painting. I did take music appreciation. Those were great. And my math advisers were telling me all the—the time, “You need to become more right-brain. You’re too left-brain.” And, and I—and my little brother—this is what—how he saw me. You all know about Mr. Spock in, in Star, in Star Trek. Well, that’s how he saw me. No emotions, just—just all mental. And, and that’s—for some reason, that was—that’s how I appeared to him.

Now, I—I—I’ve become—I’ve become the, uh, the feeler. I have, uh, merged thinking and feeling in my life, uh, because of that out-of-body experience and subsequent activities that I’ll be going into in the next few minutes. But, uh, there’s a—a great book all about, um, by Herman Hesse, uh, it’s called Narcissus and Goldmund, and it’s all about the merging of thinking and feeling. And that, to me, just made such a profound impact my first year graduate school in, in mathematics at, uh, at Ohio State University, where I was a graduate student. I had a Ford Fellowship in mathematics there.

Child prodigy, I said, and I got an honors degree in mathematics in Indiana University. Um, so at any rate, uh, when I, um—um, another book that really impressed upon me by Herman Hesse. And Herman Hesse was a—a German author who wrote books in the late ’30s and early ’40s or in the ’30s and ’40s. And, uh, back in the early ’70s when I was at Ohio State University, his books were there. He wrote the book Siddhartha, uh, which is an incredible book, and, uh, Steppenwolf. Those were the two most famous books. He also wrote Demian, Journey to the East, um, and The Magister Ludi, which was probably a classic—his last one. He wrote that in 1945, also called The Glass Bead Game.

But in the Steppenwolf, uh, this man who is rather aloof, rather intellectual, meets at a bar this jazz singer who draws him in, draws him in, draws him in to the world of jazz or whatever, or to the world of music. And, you know, as he’s entering a new realm where he’s letting go of his mind, it says in the book, “The price of admission is your mind. You have to lose your mind in order to use your mind.” And that’s what happened to me when I had my, uh, my first out-of-body experience.

I had the realization that I needed to get it—I had to pull—I got myself into a health state, uh, through putting up with a relationship where I, all of a sudden, I could see her for 40 days, and then I couldn’t at all for three days. And I complained, and complained, and I complained. And, uh—and—and the complaining—that’s, that’s very, very interesting, because the key in life is to enjoy what is.

I see, after—I mean, I—I certainly wasn’t making, uh, creating good marks for myself where every time I was with my girlfriend, I was complaining about him seeing her, you know, for three days, and—and I couldn’t. And so I was complaining about what wasn’t instead of enjoying what is. So, if I had been gone out with her and just enjoyed her at the time when I was, instead of complaining, maybe we would have been together.

But the beautiful part is, is, no, it wasn’t meant to be. Because I did not want to be—and this is not maybe appropriate—I did not want to be a henpecked husband. But in my idea, I—the image I had of myself, the picture I had of myself, the ideal—I wanted to be an absent-minded math professor. And I wanted my wife to take care of my social life, and all I wanted from her was to, to have a friendship and, and good sex. And meanwhile, I would do all my mathematics. So, this is the picture I had of myself. Like, uh, Professor Fumble was the, uh, the cartoon stripper—the comic strip that exemplified the way I thought of myself.

At the same time, I also had the idea of wanting to be a, um, a chairman of a mathematics department. Not just doing research, but also organizing all the other, uh, math—math professors. So, these were the images I had of myself. And after I had my out-of-body experience that I—I didn’t know I had. Now, so years later, three years later, I looked at that experience of the out-of-body experience of what happened.

Because at the time, it was a realization. After all, I was pretty much, um, a non-practicing Jewish person. And in a sense, I was an atheist. I didn’t believe in God, but I did not believe in it. I factually was indifferent. I thought any talk about God was silly. I thought everyone who believed in God was crazy because the God that was projected to me, that didn’t make sense.

And when I was reading in 1971, when I was at the peace, uh, in April of ’71 in Washington, DC—I went to some kind of peace march in, in Washington, DC—and I was reading the book. A friend of mine gave me the book The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are by Alan Watts. And that book was—it described what I’d been experiencing. I said, “Oh my God, all those people were talking about this thing!”

God, I thought anyone who believed in God was crazy. And that's the—that's what I've been experiencing, what they're talking about. Because I got connected to the sound. See, I got connected to the—this, this, this water from which, once you drink, you never thirst again. Oh my God. And I didn't know it, but all of a sudden I was a thinker becoming a feeler.

And the book Narcissus and Goldmund is about an abbot—Narcissus—and the—and Goldmund is his, uh, student or his friend or his accomplice who's, uh, trying to sculpture his mother, who he never met, out of sculpture. And he's like a wanderlust, going off into the world. And, and, and, and the abbot Narcissus was always calm. And Goldmund, his—his friend or student—um, and that was the book. It was really the animus and the anima within one person connecting, but the book took two parts. It's two different individuals.

And I would sit, and I'd go to—I'd go to my math classes my first, uh, semester in graduate school in mathematics, and all I would do is think about that book, think about that book. I must have—it must have taken me two, three months to read it, but it made a profound impact. And one of my favorite statements of all time is a statement by Paul Twitchell. It says, "Thinking without feeling brings about woe." Like Hamlet, "A woe is me," concentrated in thought. Thinking without feeling brings woe, and feeling without thinking brings grief.

Now, the thing about feeling without thinking brings grief—when—and the picture I have of that is like there's a—there's a famous painting about a woman thrown over somewhere on the field or wherever, but I—I imagine that's like being over the grave of her husband who just died, and she's distraught, grieving. Now, if you really knew—like Dannion Brinkley is a—a good buddy of mine, and I—I just love the books that he wrote. And, uh, he says we're spiritual light beings, and he's had all these near-death experiences. He knows you don't die.

So, if you knew—if you knew in your heart, and—and if you had had an out-of-body experience or near-death experience, or somehow you just have the knowingness that you can't die—because try to imagine yourself not existing. It's not easy to do. As a matter of fact, it's impossible to imagine yourself not existing because you can't not exist. But—but I don't know, you—you go figure that one out.

But—but once you realize that nothing dies, that's why they say, "Did you—they passed. They passed on," because they didn't say they died. Well—or, you know, when they use the word "die," as Rumi does in his book about, um, um, "I died as a—I died as a mineral and became a plant. I died as a plant and rose to animal. I died as an animal and I became a human. When have I ever been blessed by dying? You know, let me die until I became like an angel blessed—or let me air not exist." So, so that—that's like one of my favorite Rumi poems.

And Rumi, when I read his poetry, it's like ecstasy. I go into an ecstatic moment. Almost every poem of Rumi's is like that. Because what he's doing, it—see, in—in the worlds of time and space, there is no time and space. And when you know that—that—that's one of my mantras. It's like whenever I get into trouble emotionally, mentally, I just—okay, there is no time and space. This is all a drama. The cast party is a hell of a lot more fun than the—than the drama down here.

I've read—there are so many videos on YouTube, they're just so ecstatic about, um, um, on near-death experiences. There's probably a hundred, two hundred videos on people having near—and to me, just listening to every single one of them is a soul-lifting, because each person is sharing with you how they realize that there is no death. And it's just—it's just a veil that you pass through. And it's like, okay, you go to Paris. Okay, there you are, you're in Paris. We have to talk on the phone now, you're not dead.

And so, if we could learn to develop the intercommunication—like many people who are health professionals, they—they're animal communicators. They talk to dead animals, they talk to live animals, they talk to dead people. It's like the movie The Sixth Sense, "I see dead people." And so, there is—it's like, and somehow you can develop an attitude where these barriers can be dissolved, but at the same time, you want to maintain your ability to function in this world. So, it's a fine line.

And, uh, in—in India, they have—they're called Masts. They're people who have lost that, uh, barrier. And they're always, you know, "Oh my gosh, this is incredible," and they're always with God. But they have no—no able to function in this world. So, that's not an ideal position to be in as well.

And, and, uh, I like the term "becoming a coworker with God," when you can—when you can get to that space where you're in the present moment, and—and you can get connected, and then—and then you share with others, and you—you get out of the way so that God can work through you.

Incidentally, when you listen to your heart, your inner guidance, you could say that's listening to God. And you could call that what—God listening. We could abbreviate it. Let's call it G hyphen listening. Let's take the hyphen out—that's called glistening. So, when you listen to God, you start to glisten. And every person I've told that to—and I think that's beautiful—is like, "That's exciting!" Because people don't realize—see, see everything vibrates, and all words have a certain vibration.

So, when you say right—w-r-i-t—and you say r-i-g-h-t—there's a relationship between those words because they sound the same even though they're written differently. They really are—it's like they partake of the same energy. So, when people are going through something that's very scary and sometimes it's sacred—did you realize that the word sacred, s-a-c-r-e-d, has the same exact letters as scared?

And so, anytime that there's something sacred, where you're being, uh, called or tuned into being in the moment and listening to your inner guidance, your inner self, to your heart—that's sacred. That's very, very sacred. And it can be scary because when you're being pulled to the vortex—and—and it's funny—you know, you—and then you come out on the other side, you're free. You went through the vortex. The old roles—here you are a high school senior, you just graduated. Now all of a sudden, you're a college freshman, and you got to start all over—over observing. And you observe.

And, uh, so that experience of going to the vortex, to get to the point where then you're—you're free, um, is a, um, a process. It's a process. And that's all life is. All life is, is you start with all of a sudden you become aware. You know, when you wake up in the morning, in a sense, it's like Groundhog Day. And you start having a Daydream, and the Daydream continues. And maybe suddenly, you get scared, and there's a fear thing that stops the Daydream. And then you have to coax the—the fear back into its center so it comes into nothingness. And then the Daydream can continue. And when it continues to completion, we call it an ecstatic moment or an agazic moment. And then—and you're just in—in heaven. You're in bliss. You're in the presence of God. You're just—whatever. And then somehow, you maybe fall asleep. And then all of a sudden, you wake up, and you start having a Daydream.

So, I realized this in 1971. I said, "Wow." I didn't say "Wow." I said, "Oh my God, that's all life is. Life is having a Daydream, having a moment of rest, having a Daydream." And that's all life is. But, you know, I never realized it was true until about 10 to 15 years later. 'Cause that's all life is.

And the Hindu cosmology talks about this. They say it's a day and a night of God. When all the worlds are created, they say, according to Hindu cosmology, it takes 4,320,000—not dollars, but years—for all creation to be created. And slowly, it comes back into nothingness. And those souls that are awake can enjoy the nothingness for another 4,320,000 years, which means nothing, which is like a second. And then—and then all of a sudden, the worlds are created all over again. And the souls that—that haven't realized who they are, that they are part of God, they go off and they have experience in these worlds. And—and those are the worlds of time and space and energy and matter. And, uh, and—and life is just having these experiences.

So, uh, thank you very much. I'm glad you—you enjoyed it. Thank you.

Okay, thank you. I tried to get here, but I got sidetracked. Well, that's part of life. Getting sidetracked is—is like, you know, when people say, "Well, can you drive me home? I hope it's not on the way—it’s not in your way." And I said, "No, it's on my way. Because otherwise, how could I drive you home?" Even though I have to drive 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back. But it's all on my way. It's all part of the process.

And when you become in love with the process of how—how life works, that, to me, is my definition of loving God. You've fallen in love with the process of how all life works. And, uh—and that—and an atheist can buy because I grew up sort of like as a—I grew up in a Jewish family that was not very religious. And basically, my father was an atheist. Um, and, uh, I didn't know whether I was a cross between an agnostic, an atheist, or a Jew. And I just didn't care. I was too busy enjoying life. And that—that's probably a wonderful attitude that I was blessed with.

And I incarnated into this thing. I chose my mom. I chose my dad. I chose both my brothers. And it was like a perfect scenario for me to get the experiences that I wished to in life—to learn the lessons I need to learn to become free. And—and when you ever get to a problem in life where life isn’t so hot, just remember, it’s all melodrama. It’s all drama. It’s not—

There is no time and space, and the cast party is a—the—the cast part. Cast. Cast. You know, like after, uh, you perform a play, the cast gets together and has a party. And all this is—is—is a—a play. And—and then—and then when we—when we take a moment and move backwards, we realize that this was all just a play. And it's—it's—it's just—it's all.

See, they say that God is not mocked, but we mock up experiences in life through time and space to have experiences to become wise and then, in intally, free. And—and the goal is freedom. That’s the goal. Freedom. Now, why is freedom the goal? Because when—when you're free, you can love.

She’s problem? Yes. When you're free, you can—you can love, and you can accept love. It's so much easier to give love, but can you accept love? Did you learn that? Yes. Well, where—where did we learn that? Where did I learn that? No, when we were children. Yes, we—we received the—right. Yes. But when we grow up, we forget. Yeah, we forget how to receive.

See, what happens is that at age six or seven, they have a ceremony in the Christian religion called baptism where they make sure that the—the—the soft—the pineal gland is connected, and the soft part of the head is soft. And the reason for that is so that we—we can continue to be connected with the Divine. And when that closes, part of what we come to Earth for is to—is to learn to function in this world. That’s half of it. Then we also need to learn to be connected to the Divine so—so we can get the proper perspective of what we're experiencing in life.

So, we want to both function in this world, and we want to become what is called a coworker with God. Yes. A coworker with God means that you and God are in—in, you know, have a—have a connection going where all your—your needs are being met, and you're doing its work. It’s called service. See? And now, when we’re out of balance, we—we call that—we judge experiences. We judge people. We judge things. And—and it says in the Bible, "Judge not, lest you be judged." That's called the Law of Karma—the law of cause and effect.

Now, what is the antidote to judging? Most people don’t know. Well, that’s true, but it’s—that—that doesn’t get the job done. Teaching? Close to—yes. I mean, all these things are part of it, but I’m—I’m—what’s that—what’s that magic bullet? It gets you to—what’s the light switch? Observe. And judge. So, you have the judgment. And what—that’s the off switch. What’s the on switch? You want to switch it to observing.

Okay, and—and when you observe, like when you’re observing a sunset, you say, “Oh my God, that’s beautiful. I appreciate it. I value it.” And you don’t say, “You know, that purple over there ought to be, you know, with the—you know, there’s too much orange,” or—you know—that’s judging. Observing—you’re just appreciating. You’re observing.

What’s exciting is, observe comes from the word serve. Well, that’s right. So, when you’re observing, you’re serving. And the only thing you can serve is that which is your God. Yes. So, when you switch from—from judging to observing, that—that’s an alche—alchemical process of loving—loving God. See, when you’re serving, you’re loving God.

Now, the beauty about this is—is that that’s the antidote. Now, when you—when you look at the difference—because I’ve talked to people—I said, “You want to observe instead of judge.” And people don’t know the difference between judging and observing. They think they’re observing when they’re judging. They do. They really do. Most people.

So, what is the—what is that dark lining in a—in a—in a judgment that you don’t find in an observation? And it took me about two, three months, and finally, bam, I discovered it.

Yes. When you told that, I—I had to think—“Oh, I didn’t even know that.”

Um, there is a connection. Connection, right. So—so the dark—yeah, when you’re judging, you’re saying, “You. You. You.” But when you’re observing, you’re not pointing. Right. Right. Yes. So, it didn’t even occur to me.

See, when you judge someone or something—you know, like a friend of mine gave a talk—he called it the spiritual ladder. He says, “Wherever you see someone on the spiritual ladder, there you are, one step below them.” Because what they are doing is what they need to do cosmically to get an experience they need to become more free. And—and if you judge them, they already know that. That’s what they need intuitively. Yeah. You don’t—you think that what they’re doing is wrong. So, what you do is you set yourself up to experience what they’re experiencing because you’re judging it. So, you’re creating that experience for yourself because they already know that.

It’s not bad, and you don’t know it’s not bad. And if you want to be free, you set yourself up to experience it so you’ll realize yourself it’s not bad. Yes. And that’s humorous. And—and the ultimate of that is when you feel guilty about doing something, because that’s called judging yourself. And so, when you feel guilty about something, you sentence yourself to do it again. Yes. Until you do it with joy.

That means if you’re going to overeat, have a damn good time overeating. Get Mak—and you get suc out of it. You get enjoyment instead of this “Should I? Should I?” You know, the—the principle I like with that, like every—you can eat junk food as long as it’s like the most delicious thing. You’re totally grateful for it. Cancels out the effect of the negative. And—and—and—and a lot of times, because you’re enjoying it, you can also—so maybe, “Oh my gosh, that sugar gave me a stomach ache. But I sure had good—” But now, all of a sudden, you reach for that, and—and you say, “I want it anyway, ’cause it was good.” And you—you eat it, and then you—and then you, “Oh my God, I’m a mess.” And then the next time, you do it—you do it again. And the next time, you finally reach for it and say, “Ain’t worth it. Wor—I don’t want—I don’t want to go there. I’ve already done that.”

And—and so, you know, basically, what you do—basically, that’s what I do all the time with the food. And that’s why you sentence yourself to repeat it until you do it with joy.

Now the dark L—that’s what I’m doing—with the joy. Yes. Still doing it. I didn’t stop.

Well, look at that and play with that. And see—see what kind of, uh, alter—altering you could do to—to—to—to not have the experiences you don’t want.

Now, incidentally, I’ll talk about that in a second. But I wanted to complete—you know, the dark lining in a judgment is a complaint. It’s a complaint. Now there’s a—there’s a book that Dale Carnegie’s daughter wrote called Dale Carnegie’s Daughter’s Advice for Teenage Girls. And this one girl was complaining about her boyfriend. And she also—not only was complaining about him, she was criticizing him. Not only was she criticizing and complaining, but she was condemning him. And Dale Carnegie’s daughter said, “You did all three of the C’s. Those are the three C’s that you don’t want to do.” Because all those things take you out of the present moment. Okay? It’s like—and—and they create your future. Because what you picture in your mind—what you picture in your head and give passion toward—and then the secret that they left out of The Secret—it comes back to you.

You have to let go. You have to not care. You have to know that it’s already a def fact. It’s already completed. It’s coming to you at the r—right, appropriate time. And you just enjoy life and go on with life. And then, all of a sudden, there you are experiencing it.

And so, in—in the book Conversations with God with Neil Donald Walsh, it says, “You can’t ever have what you want.” Not. Now he didn’t explain how or why. He didn’t explain, but I can explain to you why that’s true.

If you want something, usually, you’re picturing yourself not having. That’s what you don’t have. So, you get what you picture. So, what’s the antidote of that picture? Which—gratefulness. Oh, for having what you think you don’t have already, that you think you want. So, in other words, that puppy in the cage—you’re not picturing the puppy in the cage across the—the street. You’re—you’re just having the time of your life experiencing the cy—the puppy licking you and having fun and playing with it and all this. Taking it out for a walk and feeding it and all this. You’re just experiencing having all the joy of being with it. So, gratefulness for having what you don’t want—what—what you want. Or you—you—you live the wish fulfilled. You live the wish fulfilled. That’s how Paul Twitchell said it. But that was in the 70s. Now, you—you de—develop a gratefulness for having what you think you don’t have or what you think you want. See, that’s where the thinking, you know—yeah.

A lot of—and I’ve learned it—it’s like, “You’re reminding me of what I already know.”

That’s right. And that’s the key. I had a friend of mine—I remember he was explaining something to me once. He was getting such a kick out of explaining to—and I—you know, “I—I know that 30 years ago, and I really appreciate reminding me.” But he thought I didn’t know it. And he set himself above me. It says, “He’s my ‘quote’ teacher.” And—and that really irritated me. Now—now, in my more great wisdom, it won’t even irritate me now. I just—I just laugh with amusement at his arrogance of thinking he knows it, and I don’t know. Yeah. See?

And so—so as we get more experiences in life, we—we—we back up one more level. We back up one more level of insight. We’re developing wisdom.

In our old age—yes, exactly. And it's a lot of fun. It's—it’s a lot of fun to—to, uh, get perspective. To get perspective on this. And—and again, it’s like what I was saying earlier is that in—in everything I do, there’s a program running around in my brain—or in my computer program, not in my brain. The brain and the mind are, like, totally, totally different.

I never talk about the brain. I talk about the mind. And the mind is sort of, in a sense, it’s—it’s not my friend, but it’s my friend. Because it’s dichotomy. Okay? It’s like, it’s a tool we use. And I remember when I first got awakened, way, way back, the, um—the, um—it was explained in this book on Yogi philosophy that you are not your mind.

But the mind is also body. Well, yes, the mind and body are actually interwoven, connected. The—the—the emotional body, the mental body of the mind, and the physical body—all are creatures in time and space. Yes. And they’re all part of the—the negative worlds.

Now, you—you know, you don’t have a soul. You are soul. You can’t have what you are. You have a mind. You have a body. You have an emotional body. You have feelings. But you are none of that. You have always existed outside of time and space in the reality of who you are with God or—or with the essence of God. You are the essence of God. Okay?

Now there’s so much [ __ ] out there—just like in this world, this political world. Oh my gosh, there’s all this misinformation. There’s all this—nothing is true. All the lies. Yes. And, you know, a belief is a belief. It’s a lie. Also, lie. Yeah, it has to be a lie. They tell you—they tell you right in front of you: b-e-l-i-e-f. A belief is a lie. O-h. L-i-e. Be-lie-f. Okay? Or believe. Belief is a lie. Yes.

Because nothing in this world is true except I am and it is. Once I say, “God is love,” that’s not even true. Because there’s a—a million definitions of love. And there are all these different pictures. But that definition of love, the picture you have in your mind of what love is—is not. That’s a lie. Okay?

God is not love. God is. You limit God when you say what it is. “Thou shalt have no graven images before me.” If you say “God is love,” that’s a graven image. God is not. God is. Okay? I am. God is. Okay? I am the essence of God. God is in me. I am part of God. God works through me. I am a coworker with God. And I have an agreement. Okay? All my needs are being met. And I serve it by getting out of the way so its love can flow through me, so I can be a vehicle for it.

So I can—if I have to stand on my hands and—and act like a—a crazy person—if that’s good to awaken you—I don’t [ __ ] care. I’ll do it. Because I know who I am. I’m a part of God. I’m the essence of it. And so any attitude, any image you have of the image you have of what God is—the concept of God—is a graven image. And as long as you have a concept of God that’s in your way, you can’t experience the divine reality of being in the presence of God.

Now, one of my favorite books on this, that—that probably describes what it’s—what God is like more than anything, is—is the book by Paul Twitchell called The Tiger’s Fang. The Tiger’s Fang. You can get it on Amazon for 15 bucks. The Tiger’s Fang. He wrote it in the—the mid-60s.

It was—I read that book in 1972. I still remember every single picture I got from reading that book in ’72 as—as well—right—as—as well then as I do now. I mean, it—it—it was like—it was like one of the most incredible books I’ve ever read in my life.

And, uh, later on, about five, six years later, I remember, uh, leaving my apartment to go to class at the graduate school in mathematics. And I remember this spiritual Tibetan master sitting in the chair. It just—you know, I looked and I saw—I saw him there in the chair. And then I went off to college, you know, or out to class that day. And I said, “Was that real or not real?” Well, the fact it’s as vivid now as it was then, you know, inclines me to think that it was real—as real can be.

And I did—I was blessed to have a—after I read those books by Paul Twitchell, uh, he appeared to me in a dream state. And he explained that he had been with me for six months, you know.

But you’ve seen him only once?

Pardon?

He’s been with you for six months, but—?

No, but this is back in ’72. Yeah. Okay. When I—when I heard about him, I heard about him in February. And then July of ’72, I heard about him. And then about a month and a half later, I had a dream with him. And he was explaining to me. He was sitting on this junky, Noah Hyde couch, talking to me.

And—and before that, six months earlier, I was reading a book by, uh, Plato called, uh, The Death of Socrates, or the Phaedo—P-h-a-e-d-o. And in the—in the book, Socrates was saying, “What’s fear?” And—and, uh, the answer was, you know, to his students. And then when he answered, he said, “All fear is, is the expectation of evil.” And I said, “Wow.”

And so—so, on the inner planes—

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much—on the inner planes—

I'm at a desk reading that, and all of a sudden, my body jumps up, falls like this—I go into a half Lotus and immediately leave my body. And when I come back 30 minutes later, there's a golden-haired Master with white clothes on and a white Shaw shoving black asphalt junk out of my third eye. And that happened six months before I met Paul Twitchell. And that's what he was referring to me—that he was with me at that time because I had had that experience where I had the out-of-body experience in February 1970. Then I had a kundalini awakening in August of '71, and—and they were progressive.

And—and all of a sudden, I—I was, you know, when I first had my out-of-body experience, I said, "Man, I don’t know anything. Everyone else in the world knows what life’s about but me." And I was pretty pissed. I said, "I’m—I’m going to catch up with all the rest of them, and I’m going to discover what life’s all about."

And then, finally, after I had the kundalini experience, you know, about two years later, I said, "Damn, anyone knows what I know—we’re all pretending."

So, would you repeat, please: What is fear?

Fear is the expectation of evil.

And that just—wow, I mean, right now, you know, just all that is. So—so, if you expect something is bad, then you have fear. So, just don’t expect anything is bad. Everything just is.

It’s—it’s a lie that things are bad. No, it just is. There is no bad and good. That’s duality. You get locked into duality. That’s why one of my favorite statements is the Paul statement—is this interesting?

Yes.

It—it basically—if being for or against anything exiles you from the God consciousness state. But it’s really—that’s not really a true statement. It’s being attached to being for or against anything that exiles you to—God conscious—from the God consciousness state.

But I—I—when I—when I say that now sometimes to different audiences, I say being for or against anything locks you into duality.

Yes.

And exiles you from the God consciousness state. Who the hell wants to be locked into duality? That’s—

Hell.

So, um, is there a talking here?

Yes.

2:30? And what time is it now?

About 2:25.

Okay, well, is there any question before I end? Did you enjoy that?

Yes, absolutely.

So, the name of my book—the name of my book is called Pictures of the Mind. It’s coming out this year. Don’t know when.

You know what—I’m interesting. More you talk about the—the book that you read, Tiger’s F— the other one, Narcissus and Gold— by Herman—

H.

Which one?

For me.

Going to be like—

They’re both totally different. I would say that the Tiger— probably would be a—

Better—

Wonderful. It’s called nonfiction, but in—

Reality.

Yeah.

So, the name of my book is called Pictures of the Mind. The subtitle: Free Yourself from Beliefs That No Longer Serve You. The website is picturesofthemind.com. You can also find information about my book on philipawilson.com. Uh, if you want to contact me, you’re welcome to do that: 626-200-8454.

Can you repeat?

626—

626—

200—

200—

And my email is phil@relaxsaunas.com, plural. And, um, you’re—you’re welcome to contact me. Right now, I’m still available. There may be one day that that may be harder and harder, but right now I love talking about spiritual principles, things I’ve—I’ve experienced in life, things that have brought me greater freedom.

And it’s part of my nature. And—and having been a mathematician before and having aha moments by solving math problems, and right now I solve my own life problems by being aware of the pictures of my—being aware of the pictures you’re looking at is—is almost like a secret. And—and when I was meditating in 1997, they told me there’s a wonderful—almost like a—how to practice the presence of God. This is a key, and it’s called momentum: taking advantage of the moment, propelling yourself into greatness.

Now, to explain that: taking advantage of the moment is not the same as living in the moment. It’s taking advantage of the moment is living in the moment and listening. You’re vigilant. You’re in a—you’re in a jungle. There’s tigers, there’s snakes, okay? And then—and then when you’re perceptive enough, because your antennae are up—when you’re perceptive enough, when another wave comes by that’s going to take you to greatness, you get in front of it.

So, taking advantage of the moment, propelling yourself into greatness—it’s—and that—it’s only possible. You’re—you’re taking advantage of the moment, not just living in the moment. You have to be listening.

And so, that’s—there’s an 80-page book called Practicing the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. And this is a—a really easy way to—to, if you can contemplate on what that means, it basically says always take yourself back into the present moment. Don’t—don’t lose yourself. But always, always be listening. It’s always—be practicing the presence of God, always having absolute reliance on the inner master to guide you to what you’re going to do in every moment. And that’s freedom. Because then there’s no time and space. If you’re in the moment, there’s no time and space.

And—and life continues. It never ends. It just always continues.

Yes.

There is no beginning. There is no ending. That’s time and space.

Okay.

Beautiful.

That’s—that’s Phil Wilson. Thank you for attending, and I really appreciate your—

Being.

Attending. Thank you.

Do you know how to start this?

No, I have no—

Clue.

Was here—